Claudia Robustella: 'I've learned to accept myself and my mental health issues'
During her student years, Claudia Robustella struggled with her mental health. Thanks in part to the help of her study coordinator Rosa van Straten, she still managed to obtain her bachelor's degree.
Claudia had barely started studying Italian Language and Culture when she already realised: the course and she weren't a match. She painfully persevered for two years but earned so few credits that she had to withdraw. 'I didn't dare tell anyone', she says. 'I come from a lovely family, my parents have always supported all my choices, so that wasn't the issue. I didn't dare to have the conversation because saying it out loud would make it “real”: I had failed again.'
Before Italian, she had already studied law for three years. Not completing another degree was something she couldn't contemplate. 'I was utterly ashamed: all my fellow students had an enjoyable university experience, they passed everything. I felt I was the only one struggling mentally, the only one failing. I kept thinking of different ways to resolve it, like pursuing an associate degree. That only takes two years, so I could say that instead of the Italian bachelor's, I had earned a different qualification.'
In reality, Claudia spent her days in her room. 'I worked a lot and I was still on the board of the study association. That was very awkward, but it got me out of the house. Otherwise, I was almost always at home. My sister also studied in Leiden, so I was afraid of running into her at the wrong moment and giving myself away. It was very lonely. I even started thinking it would be better if I wasn't around anymore: then everything would suddenly be resolved. Fortunately, I always kept in mind that this wasn't really what I wanted.'
'Nobody was angry'
She maintained this lifestyle for a year until COVID broke out. 'Everything suddenly went online, but I couldn't explain in real terms what that looked like for me. My mother saw through this, and one afternoon she asked if I had stopped studying. Actually, I felt relieved to tell the truth. It also helped that I had very supportive people around me. Of course, I had to own up to what had been going on many times in the weeks that followed, but nobody got angry that I had lied. Everyone just thought it was terrible that I had felt that way.'
Together with her parents, she made a plan to start studying again. On the recommendation of a former Italian lecturer, she chose Dutch Language and Culture, again in Leiden. 'It had become my home after all.'
Alopecia and Binge Eating Disorder
Claudia started the new course with fresh determination. While it indeed suited her better, her health threw a spanner in the works. She developed Alopecia areata, an autoimmune condition where your hair suddenly falls out. 'It started with a small patch that grew bigger and bigger. As a result, I no longer dared to show my face at university. My first instinct was to withdraw into myself, but I knew where that had led with Italian. So this time, I contacted the study coordinator.'
It proved to be a good move, especially since Claudia wasn't just struggling with Alopecia. 'During that time, I also discovered I had a binge eating disorder. I had been having binge episodes for five years, but then I officially received a diagnosis.'
Support from the study coordinator
An intense therapy journey followed. 'At first, the combination with my studies went well because the therapy was very practical: I had to eat six times a day. It was only in the second half that we went deeper, looking at self-image and body image. I became so aware of how I viewed myself that I completely shut down again at university. I no longer dared to answer questions because everyone would see what I looked like. On top of that, I thought I would probably only say stupid things anyway.'
Study coordinator Rosa van Straten was a great support to her during this time. 'We scheduled appointments every two weeks to chat about how things were going, how my planning was progressing. This meant I couldn't disappear anymore. What's more, Rosa encouraged me to communicate better with my lecturers, so they were aware of the severity of my situation. Everyone turned out to be understanding of my circumstances.'
Everyone has something
This understanding wasn't limited to the lecturers. 'I often had classes with the same girls. After a while, I started sharing what I was dealing with. It turned out they all had their own mental health issues too. That helped me tremendously in embracing who I am and what I have. Now I share my struggles much sooner. It immediately makes all problems smaller, and it helps others respond to you. Previously, I was often angry and irritable, always afraid that other people would ask follow-up questions and I would really have to tell them something. Now I can look around and think that there are so many people struggling with different things, big or small. I really don't need to be ashamed.’
‘I definitely needed the professional therapy to reach this point, but the contact with Rosa also helped me tremendously. Partly thanks to her, I received a bachelor's degree a few weeks ago, with only a year's delay in the end.'