Why you as a parent also need a time-out sometimes (and more useful parenting advice)
Your toddler refuses to eat vegetables, your child is being bullied at school, or you’re simply overwhelmed by everything on your plate. How can parents manage these situations effectively? During this Week of Parenting, our researchers and lecturers share practical advice for parents.
Learning to eat is a shared effort
'Parents of toddlers are constantly reminded of the importance of teaching their children healthy eating habits, whether it’s during a visit to the health clinic, from information at nursery, or on social media. But what do you do if your child simply isn’t an enthusiastic eater? Or if your son, at around 18 months, suddenly refuses to eat anything green on his plate? Learning to eat a variety of foods is a real challenge for many young children, and they need their parents to help them navigate this. Parents play a key role in showing children that what’s on their plate is safe to eat. At Leiden University, we’ve developed a free e-learning programme, Samen Leren Eten (Learning to Eat Together), to help parents of children aged 0-6 with difficult mealtimes. In the coming months, we’ll be evaluating what parents think of Samen Leren Eten —so please get in touch if you’d like to participate in our research!"
- Shelley van der Veek, Associate Professor specialising in health and illness in the Family
Fathers are not parenting heroes
'I’ve experienced this myself: one day, I took my son to school and, admittedly, I was running a little late. As I passed a group of mothers, one of them exclaimed a little too loudly, ‘What a super dad!’ The reality is, as a father, you don’t need to do much to earn the label of ‘parenting hero’. But this is something we need to stop (no matter how well-intentioned the praise might be). Caring for their children is simply what fathers can and should do—as parents. It’s nothing extraordinary. And we certainly don’t need to elevate them for it. By doing so, we’re reinforcing the implicit message that not much is expected of men when it comes to parenting. So next time, let the father pass by without the fanfare, and perhaps offer a word of encouragement to a mother instead. They tend to get far less praise.'
- Peter Bos, Professor Education and Child Studies
Why your toddler always does the stuff they're not allowed to
'You know the scenario: your toddler gives you that mischievous look as they crawl towards a drawer full of interesting objects... You can tell from the look on their face that they know the drawer is off-limits. And that’s great news—your toddler knows the rule! Hooray! So, why do they still do it? There are several reasons. On one hand, toddlers are driven by an unstoppable urge to explore, and they simply haven’t developed the ability to control their impulses. That’s something they need to learn. On the other hand, toddlers crave predictability in their environment. Part of that is testing whether the rules always apply.So, what’s the best approach as a parent? You can help your toddler stick to the rules by being consistent, calmly repeating the rule, acknowledging that it’s hard for them, and offering praise when they succeed! For more information, explanations, and tips, visit the website for VIPP-SD, our intervention programme."
- Marije Stoltenborgh, lecturer in Parenting, Child Care and Development
Feeling stressed? Take a time-out yourself!
'Parenting can be stressful, and many parents are aware that when they’re under pressure, they find it harder to manage difficult situations. Research shows that stressed parents are less able to accurately interpret their child’s behaviour. For example, imagine your child comes home covered in mud after you’ve just put them in clean clothes. A stressed parent, juggling multiple worries, is more likely to get angry, and less likely to realise that the child might have accidentally fallen into a muddy puddle. This can lead to a negative cycle, where children feel more oppositional and unsure of themselves. In these moments, it often helps for parents to step away from the situation for a moment—essentially, take a time-out for yourself.'
- Lenneke Alink, Professor Forensic Family Studies
Tackel bullying together
'What’s the best way to help your child if they’re being bullied? Unfortunately, research into bullying and parenting hasn’t yet revealed a magic solution. In fact, parents often don’t even know their child is being bullied, because many victims prefer not to share their experiences. While children do need a listening ear, victims sometimes feel they need to handle the bullying themselves, or worry that their parents’ involvement might make the situation worse. However, victims do appreciate hearing that the bullying isn’t their fault and that they don’t have to face it alone. Programmes where teachers, pupils, and parents all work together have shown promising results. Parents often can’t tackle bullying alone, but by working closely with teachers and their children, bullying can be prevented and reduced.'
- Mitch van Geel, Associate Professor specialising in (cyber)bullying among young people